Dear Kyubey
by MadoHomu
Summary: "My tits are growing non-stop! Please help!"


Dear Kyubey

"My tits are growing non-stop! Please help!"

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><p>Dear Kyubey<p>

I've been reading your magical meduka columns for 24 years and I'm your dedicated fan because you always give nice and useful tips and solving people's problem. After contemplating for a while, I've decided to write you a letter, regarding my problems as I want you to help me too, like how you are helping everyone. I hope you will reply.

I have two friends and both of them are my best friends. They are having a cold war because they fall in love with the same guy and they are always hating on each other. I am lost and stuck in between the two because I don't know what to do. Obviously the guy likes my kawaii face and not them but I don't want them to be sad. What should I do?

From, Your dedicated fan  
>Pinky<p>

...

Dear Pinky,

Did you start reading my magical meduka columns when you're a sperm or what.

People don't have best friendS. only best frienD. I can tell that you always betray people just by that so why the hell do you care if they are sad? i think you should just be yourself and be with that guy already. My point is bros before hoes. This can be implied here too. If you really don't want them to be sad, just kill them then. When they are dead, they can't be sad right? Such a stupid question.

I hoped I helped.

From, Kyubey

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Dear Kyubey,

People keep forgetting about me. I don't know why.

When I entered the class, the teacher will always say I'm a transferred student with heart disease and needs help. But after every month when I'm in school, she'll do this again when I entered the classroom and I wanted to correct her and tell her that I'm not exactly 'new' anymore, she would ignore me and introduce me to the class again. Apparently, no one in the class recognize me either and this had been going on for 8 years. I'm like 22 years old but I'm still a middle school student.

Please help me. I'm scared.

From,  
>Thegirlwhohavetimetravelabilities<p>

...

Dear Thegirlwhohavetimetravelabilities,

I'm not sure if it's your unconscious self that typed out your name ( and telling what the hell is actually wrong with you) , but I shall pretend it isn't.

I don't know why the heck are you still going to school. Like why do you bother. Are you like that Edwhat Cotton, that stupid vampire who's hundred of years old but GOES TO A HIGHSCHOOL LIKE WHAT THE SHIT, YOU CAN STAY HOME AND SLEEP AND EAT ALL DAY BUT YOU GO HIGHSCHOOL?/ TO STUDY?/ WHO THE HELL STUDIES?

kill yourself okay

From, Kyubey

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Dear Kyubey

My church is burnt like the chicken hotdog on bbq and now i'm homeless like the dog in the hotdog

I steal but I don't want to. JK actually it's fun haha.

I'm up for adoption actually. Call 9027 3890 6289 okay

Good and hot redhead and ready to swing my bamboo stick like bruce lee.

I eat a lot so you can adopt me instead of buying a trashcan. You'll save a lot of money if you look at a long term period.

pls.

From, Kyoko

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Dear Kyoko

You're a piece of trash, literally.

From, Kyubey

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Dear Kyubey

Haf u eva lyke cri cus no 1 care$?

I d0

lyfe sux but when i red ur colume, u giv me hope. pls help me

I donated my vagina to the boi i lyke but he dk cus i kip it a secret but he dk so he got a vagina and he think his life is bck 2 pieces

then he go lyke d te tis gurl, my bff, and i cri.

help me, wat shuld i do?

From, L0$t

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Dear L0$t

first of all...

Actually I don't know where to start.

go kill urself.

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Dear Kyubey

My tits are growing non-stop! Please help!

From, Yellow Cake_ Kawaii 123

...

Dear Yellow Cake_ Kawaii 123,

Step One: Lie on your bed

Step Two: Put two hand under your boobs

Step Three: Stop breathing

Step Four: Ttake a knife and cute forty onions and then put them in a popcorn bag and roast them under the sun with two drops of lemon pineapple sweat. Afterwards, collect dragon poop and mix it well before shaking it like your milk boobies and then you send them to North Pole and donate it to the penguins and dive to find nemo.

Step Five: close your eyes and sleep for 89 years

That's roughly the methods to it. The source comes from personal experience.

From, Kyubey

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><p>an:

cashbanky and i crossed path today. it was like dropping a kfc chicken but its actually bones.


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